I hate myself and I want to die

No good goes forever.

Idk if it's about tpm or for real but everything just came up again. All the thoughts, fairs and wishes.

I want to be phisicly hurt.

I want to go away. I want to die.

Again.

And I hate this. I hate myself.

I hate that I am not strong.

I hate that I don't perseveres.

I hate I can't help it.

I do not know how.

I was pretty okay and suddenly BAM suicide's thoughts

I woke up today and I had to promise myself that it would be just more today and it would be finally over so I could get out of bed.

I sited on the floor and imagined a knife cuting my skin, the blood coming out, the pain cleaning the other pain, me killing myself.

And today as the day it is over.

Of course, I'm not doing it, perhaps I really wish.

I feel a huge need to cry all the time.

I try to control but I don't want to control.

Today I don't want to be strong. Today I want to be dead.

Today I don't want to be happy. I want to be dead.

Today I don't want to fell fine. I want to be dead.

I want to feel nothing at all, think nothing at all, be nothing at all.

Could I just get what I wish once?

I also want to believe this is just a period of time that I'm not okay. The low part of the roller coaster. I want to believe I will be coming up soon. And it will be fine.

But what do I so till there? Sot and wait? I can't. I have a lot of things to do, and I don't know how, I'm not able, I cannot.

Help me. Kill me. Make me okay.